Friday, May 25, 2012

Relationship Evaluation: Survivor or The Amazing Race

So I was watching the Survivor finale when a commercial for The Amazing Race comes on and I realize, those two shows perfectly charactarize my current and previous relationships.

My previous relationship was like Survivor.  Harsh conditions, deception, challenges, injuries, moments of fun and beauty, but ultimately only one of us was going to make it out alive.  It sounds exciting, but more than anything it was...dramatic. 

My currently relationship, my almost 10 year marriage to my best friend, is like The Amazing Race.  We started together, we'll end together.  We face obstacles and challenges, but we get through them by working together, communicating and compromising.  There are moments of fun and beauty and moments of conflict, but the overall feeling is one of accomplishment and love.

What reality show would you compare your relationship to?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Friendship 101

If anyone knows where this class is being taught, please let me know.  Like so many of life's lessons, this is one where I'm constantly learning.  Given my current life goals, it's also an aspect of my life that I'm evaluating.

I don't have many friends (unless you count Facebook friends...of which I have 272).  Friendships have always been difficult for me.  As a little girl I was painfully shy and very sheltered.  Non-family social interaction wasn't a priority for my parents...sometimes these interactions were even discouraged.  Most of my friends growing up were my cousins.  My non-family friends were the children of my parents' friends.  Half-way through high school we moved half-way across the country.  Making friends was complicated by my lack of experience and being the new girl in a school district where most of my classmates had either known each other since pre-school, or were bussed in from the city.

So the basics of friendship are what?  Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship) lists these:
  • The tendency to desire what is best for the other
  • Sympathy and empathy
  • Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
  • Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
  • Enjoyment of each other's company
  • Trust in one another
  • Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.
  • The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
Given these parameters, not including my husband (who is unequivocally my best friend), I've only got a handful of real friends in this world.  Do I want more?  Not really.  I've always been a quality over quantity type person.  What I want is to be a better friend...make sure that my true friends feel appreciated and loved.  Guess I've got some phone calls to make!