So I was watching the Survivor finale when a commercial for The Amazing Race comes on and I realize, those two shows perfectly charactarize my current and previous relationships.
My previous relationship was like Survivor. Harsh conditions, deception, challenges, injuries, moments of fun and beauty, but ultimately only one of us was going to make it out alive. It sounds exciting, but more than anything it was...dramatic.
My currently relationship, my almost 10 year marriage to my best friend, is like The Amazing Race. We started together, we'll end together. We face obstacles and challenges, but we get through them by working together, communicating and compromising. There are moments of fun and beauty and moments of conflict, but the overall feeling is one of accomplishment and love.
What reality show would you compare your relationship to?
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Friendship 101
If anyone knows where this class is being taught, please let me know. Like so many of life's lessons, this is one where I'm constantly learning. Given my current life goals, it's also an aspect of my life that I'm evaluating.
I don't have many friends (unless you count Facebook friends...of which I have 272). Friendships have always been difficult for me. As a little girl I was painfully shy and very sheltered. Non-family social interaction wasn't a priority for my parents...sometimes these interactions were even discouraged. Most of my friends growing up were my cousins. My non-family friends were the children of my parents' friends. Half-way through high school we moved half-way across the country. Making friends was complicated by my lack of experience and being the new girl in a school district where most of my classmates had either known each other since pre-school, or were bussed in from the city.
So the basics of friendship are what? Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship) lists these:
I don't have many friends (unless you count Facebook friends...of which I have 272). Friendships have always been difficult for me. As a little girl I was painfully shy and very sheltered. Non-family social interaction wasn't a priority for my parents...sometimes these interactions were even discouraged. Most of my friends growing up were my cousins. My non-family friends were the children of my parents' friends. Half-way through high school we moved half-way across the country. Making friends was complicated by my lack of experience and being the new girl in a school district where most of my classmates had either known each other since pre-school, or were bussed in from the city.
So the basics of friendship are what? Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship) lists these:
- The tendency to desire what is best for the other
- Sympathy and empathy
- Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
- Enjoyment of each other's company
- Trust in one another
- Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.
- The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sugar, Salt and Fat
In my quest to get back to basics, I’ve been changing my diet. The goal is to eat clean, fresh, simple, one ingredient, unprocessed, unrefined foods. Result…I’m running out of things to eat.
I don’t have a huge amount of time to devote to cooking. I work and I’ve got a husband and two kids. It’s not possible to make everything from scratch using fresh organic ingredients…neither my schedule nor my budget will allow for that. So we have canned, packaged, frozen and otherwise convenience items in the kitchen. I try to use them sparingly and yet…
Here’s the thing: sugar, salt and fat are the things that make food taste good. Whenever I cut back on one or two, I find myself elbow deep in the other. I’ve radically reduced my sugar and fat intake in order to keep to a low calorie diet, so my daily sodium is generally twice what it ought to be. Besides being bad for my cardiovascular health, it makes me retain water, so it’s hard to see the progress I’ve made. I’m puffy!
I’m trying to figure out how to work this new challenge out, but it’s difficult. If anyone has any suggestions, holla at me. Thanks!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Quit Playing With Your Hair
"Quit playing with your hair." Every little black girl has heard this from their mother at some point or another. I certainly heard it from my mother. Whether my hair was freshly washed and I was playing with my still damp fro or she had just completed hours of braiding and she didn't want me to make it fuzzy. It was always, "Quit playing with your hair." And then later when I got it relaxed, she still didn't want me to play with it. She knew how fragile my newly relaxed hair was and she didn't want it to break off.
When I finally got to an age when I could do my own hair she encouraged me to do my hair and then leave it alone. Don't play with it. I didn't listen. I brushed and combed, used blow dryers and curling irons, clips and hairbands. I even did that thing where I rolled my hair up in a comb thinking that would curl it only to have to have the whole thing cut out.
And 20 years later, here we are. I'm going natural. One reason is I'm tired of all the damage I've done to my hair over the years playing with it. Styling my transitioning hair I've learned one thing really quickly. I need to quit playing with it. Style it and then leave it alone. My hair doesn't require that much handling. In fact over-handling just results in a frizzy crazy looking mess. Plus, transitioning hair is especially fragile right at the point between the natural and the relaxed hair shaft.
Today I'm rocking cornrows. I've been experimenting and playing with my hair for weeks. Time to give it a rest.
When I finally got to an age when I could do my own hair she encouraged me to do my hair and then leave it alone. Don't play with it. I didn't listen. I brushed and combed, used blow dryers and curling irons, clips and hairbands. I even did that thing where I rolled my hair up in a comb thinking that would curl it only to have to have the whole thing cut out.
And 20 years later, here we are. I'm going natural. One reason is I'm tired of all the damage I've done to my hair over the years playing with it. Styling my transitioning hair I've learned one thing really quickly. I need to quit playing with it. Style it and then leave it alone. My hair doesn't require that much handling. In fact over-handling just results in a frizzy crazy looking mess. Plus, transitioning hair is especially fragile right at the point between the natural and the relaxed hair shaft.
Today I'm rocking cornrows. I've been experimenting and playing with my hair for weeks. Time to give it a rest.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Hey Naturalistas! Show Me the Money!
When I talk to other woman that are going natural (big chop or transition) I always get a few different reasons why. One of the main reasons that keeps coming up is that relaxed hair is expensive to maintain. Touch-ups every 6-8 weeks to the tune of $80+, and then wash and sets every or every other week if you always need to look salon fresh. People that know me know I'm thrifty (my husband says cheap, but whatever). Money was definitely one of my reasons for going natural. This sentiment seemed pervasive as many of the natural hair websites and YouTube channels that I frequent really emphasize using natural products in the hair...often time using tubs of concoctions that they've whipped up in their kitchens. I've seen hair washed with apple cider vinegar, warm oil treatments with olive oil and a mayo hair mask. Enter free enterprise...
I was so happy to discover that my favorite line of hair products while I was relaxing was creating a line of products for natural hair. I was anxious about mixing things up in my kitchen. I rushed right out and bought one of the items. Then as I started looking around more I noticed that quite a few of the "relaxing" companies are introducing natural hair product lines. Instead of trying to convince an ever growing market base to come back to the "creamy crack", these companies have instead decided to cash in on our dependency on convenience. As far as I can see thus far on my natural journey, even buying these ready-made products, I'll still save a bunch of money going natural. The next concern of course is the quality of said products. Just like food...read the ingredients. Educate yourself.
Now we just need more hairdressers to stop acting like the naturalista movement is a personal attack on their livelihood and figure out how to get in on this cash cow. Too many hairdressers alienate new naturalistas by pressuring them to relax or by not knowing how to care for or cut natural hair. It's called supply and demand. We're demanding while a very lucky few are supplying.
I was so happy to discover that my favorite line of hair products while I was relaxing was creating a line of products for natural hair. I was anxious about mixing things up in my kitchen. I rushed right out and bought one of the items. Then as I started looking around more I noticed that quite a few of the "relaxing" companies are introducing natural hair product lines. Instead of trying to convince an ever growing market base to come back to the "creamy crack", these companies have instead decided to cash in on our dependency on convenience. As far as I can see thus far on my natural journey, even buying these ready-made products, I'll still save a bunch of money going natural. The next concern of course is the quality of said products. Just like food...read the ingredients. Educate yourself.
Now we just need more hairdressers to stop acting like the naturalista movement is a personal attack on their livelihood and figure out how to get in on this cash cow. Too many hairdressers alienate new naturalistas by pressuring them to relax or by not knowing how to care for or cut natural hair. It's called supply and demand. We're demanding while a very lucky few are supplying.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
My Natural/Corporate Image
Going natural (big chop or transitioning from relaxed) in a corporate environment probably isn't as big a deal now as it used to be, but it's still a challenge.
In college I considered locks, but knew my goal was to work in a corporate office. I decided not to create any additional barriers to that goal. I didn't lock up, I didn't get any tattoos (also cuz i'm a scaredy cat) and I only have two earring holes in each ear. For the last ten years my corporate style has been very sleek and proper, even when my office decided to change from business casual to just casual. I've slowly gotten used to wearing jeans and sneakers to work and even the occasional t-shirt (always either plain or with company logo). But my hair....
As I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural hair, I've found that I have to re-adjust my view of what's appropriate "work hair". I did a braid-out one morning that was awesome! It was wavy and big and fierce and...definitely "club hair". I sadly pulled it back into something I thought was more appropriate for work. Today I'd probably wear it. I'm becoming more confident...not so much in my hair, as my ability to rock whatever it wants to do.
In college I considered locks, but knew my goal was to work in a corporate office. I decided not to create any additional barriers to that goal. I didn't lock up, I didn't get any tattoos (also cuz i'm a scaredy cat) and I only have two earring holes in each ear. For the last ten years my corporate style has been very sleek and proper, even when my office decided to change from business casual to just casual. I've slowly gotten used to wearing jeans and sneakers to work and even the occasional t-shirt (always either plain or with company logo). But my hair....
As I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural hair, I've found that I have to re-adjust my view of what's appropriate "work hair". I did a braid-out one morning that was awesome! It was wavy and big and fierce and...definitely "club hair". I sadly pulled it back into something I thought was more appropriate for work. Today I'd probably wear it. I'm becoming more confident...not so much in my hair, as my ability to rock whatever it wants to do.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Change is Constant but Sacrifice Isn't?
We've got this new "thing" at work where they're overhauling the way that we do...pretty much everything...in four phases. The first two phases are Assessment (baseline measurements) and Deep Dive (getting to the heart of the problems). I did my personal assessment earlier this year when I declined to make any New Year Resolutions...not because there weren't things I needed to work on, but because the change I was seeking was deeper than:
1. Exercise more.
2. Go on a diet...again.
3. Be nicer to small humans living rent free in your house.
So this blog is part of my Deep Dive. And...Lent starts today. Double Deep Dive.
My spirituality has changed constantly over the years. I was raised in the church, but my personal commitment has at various times wavered, disappeared and reappeared with a vengeance. This happens to be a "vengeance" year. I've been doing Bible study with my boys and I'm contemplating giving something up for Lent, hence my Facebook post:
What's the link? It seems that change always involves sacrifice, even when we're changing for the better. We have to sacrifice old thought patterns and comfort zones. Since change is constant, so should sacrifice and perhaps sacrifice shouldn't be something that necessarily causes us sadness or feels like a deprivation. During Lent we sacrifice willingly and with a glad heart. That willingness to sacrifice in order to change for the better should be constant.
1. Exercise more.
2. Go on a diet...again.
3. Be nicer to small humans living rent free in your house.
So this blog is part of my Deep Dive. And...Lent starts today. Double Deep Dive.
My spirituality has changed constantly over the years. I was raised in the church, but my personal commitment has at various times wavered, disappeared and reappeared with a vengeance. This happens to be a "vengeance" year. I've been doing Bible study with my boys and I'm contemplating giving something up for Lent, hence my Facebook post:
The theme of Lent is sacrifice. What Jesus sacrificed for us and what we're willing to sacrifice for 40 days in thankful response.
What's the link? It seems that change always involves sacrifice, even when we're changing for the better. We have to sacrifice old thought patterns and comfort zones. Since change is constant, so should sacrifice and perhaps sacrifice shouldn't be something that necessarily causes us sadness or feels like a deprivation. During Lent we sacrifice willingly and with a glad heart. That willingness to sacrifice in order to change for the better should be constant.
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