Do you care if your bobby pins show?

I was in the bathroom at work when I looked down and next to the toilet was the smallest bobby pin I've ever seen.  So as soon as I got back to my desk I decide to look up mini bobby pins, because it was so adorable.  (How did I not know they were a thing?)  Anyway...as I'm looking I find all these pics of hairstyles with clearly visible bobby pins.  Sometimes, they're part of the style, but sometimes...I don't think they are????


So if Naptural85 is on this wagon I'm at least considering it.  But honestly, I spend so much time making sure my bobby pins don't show!  I've got black, brown and blonde bobby pins so that I can pick the pin that best matches the color of my hair in a specific section or time of year.  Time wasted?
What do you think?  Do you hide your bobby pins?  Do you show them off?  Not care one way or the other?

"Massive Bun" Tutorial

I love a massive bun.  This version doesn't require a donut or any added hair.

Here are some pics of previous buns I did the same way:

Transitioning to Fall

Every season we make changes to our diets and our wardrobes.  Of course, we should also be making changes to our natural hair regimens.

Like most people that love WNGs, I kiss them goodbye almost as soon as it starts to get too cold to leave the house with a wet head.  That means I have to start thinking ahead and planning styles.  That also means that in addition to protecting my hair from the cold dry air, I also have to protect it from the extra manipulation of non-WNG styling.  Here's what I'm changing...

1.  Increase my deep conditioning from every two weeks to every week (unless I can make a protective style last longer than a week).

2.  More protective styles.  I've gotten a lot better at flat-twists so I'll be experimenting with a lot more flat-twist styles this fall/winter.

3.  Using styling products that are more oil based than water based to lock moisture in better and longer.  This means less Shea Moisture Smoothie and more Shea Moisture JBCO Styling Lotion.

What changes will you be making this fall?

How I Learned to Love My Shrinkage

"Shrinkage is real"  I've posted a few IG pics with this caption.  It's a statement of fact.  My hair shrinks.  Natural black hair shrinks...but shrinkage isn't a bad thing.  A lot of naturalistas (and natural brothas) would disagree with me.  Me from 2 years ago would disagree with me.  I had to do a lot of soul searching and questioning before I got to where I am.  Here's how it went...

Question #1:  Why do I hate shrinkage?
Answer #1:  Because it hides the true length of my hair.

Question #2: Hides it from whom?
Answer #2: Well...everyone!

Question #3: Why do you care how long other people think your hair is?
Answer #3: *Blushing*  I don't?  I shouldn't anyway.

Question #4:  What does long hair indicate?
Answer #4: Beauty, femininity, health

Question #5:  Isn't your face beautiful?  What's more feminine than your curves?  How is shrinkage unhealthy?
Answer #5:  My husband seems to find my face beautiful and I do have some womanly curves.  And shrinkage...well shrinkage actually shows how healthy my hair is.  If it didn't shrink I would know my hair was damaged.

Question #6:  Why do you hate shrinkage?
Answer #6:  I don't.  I love my shrinkage.

Can you love your shrinkage, too?

Natural Hair Updo: Protective Styling or Camouflage

Which is it for you?  Are you a protective styler or does your hair go up to hide a bad twist out?  I am generally not a protective styler.  I feel like I have a pretty good routine that by and large keeps my hair protected...and I like my hair to match my mood. 

I haven't decided if natural hair videos are something that I plan to do regularly, but here's one showing how I do my camouflage updos.

You got that "good hair" though

I hear it a lot and I know it's meant to be an excuse, but lately it's been sounding more and more like an accusation. Here's a sample conversation:

She said: Oooh!  Your hair is so pretty.  What do you use?
I said: Well I co-wash with TRESemme Naturals Conditioner, seal with grapeseed oil and use Shea Moisture Smoothie to style.
She said: Then what?  How do you style it?
I said: After I co-wash and seal I divide my hair into sections, detangle and two-strand twist each section.  In the morning when it's dry I un-twist, separate and fluff.
She said: (looking at me doubtfully) Is it hard to do?
I said: No, not really.  It just takes practice.
She said: It would be impossible for me.  You got that good hair though.

What the flip?!

So I used to get into the whole "there's no such thing as good/bad hair, all hair that's cared for is good, we all need to accept and love our hair the way it is" argument.  I gave that up, because to be honest, it's a moot point in this conversation.  I know what she means by "good hair".  And she knows that I know what she means by "good hair."  And I know that she knows that I know... and on and on and on....

Nowadays my answer to this excuse/accusation is, "No, I don't."

It's amazing!  Once upon a time I'd have been flattered beyond belief if someone said that to me.  Now I get upset.

I don't like the implication that:

1.  I've told her something that isn't true (It's not hard, it just takes practice.)
2.  That any work I've put into my hair is insignificant because my hair doesn't take work.
3.  That she knows someone's hair struggles/victories/story just because she thinks she knows their hair texture.

But mostly I don't like that defeatist attitude that she has been conquered (or expects to be conquered) by her hair and therefore has given up before even starting.  I shouldn't have to prove my nappy status just so she starts believing in the possibilities of what her hair could do and be.

Are you a goo hoarder???

I don't know if goo hoarders are better or worse than product junkies, but we probably take up just as much room.  For a really humorous discussion of goo hoarding please see the first 5 minutes of this Jenna Marbles video:

I feel like my goo hoarding is based on the cheapness that keeps me from being a product junkie.  I won't buy a lot of different products, but I will hold on to every last teaspoon of product in a tub regardless of whether or not it's a useful amount.  I'm spring cleaning today and finally talked myself into tossing two tubs of hair product that had so little product in that there was hardly enough for a section of hair let alone an entire head.  However...there is still is a small crate of half filled bottles and (even worse) foil paks of products that I haven't used in the last year and a half but CANNOT throw away because I don't have time to have a panic attack today.

So...are you a goo hoarder, too?

Anticipation

It's a miracle there aren't more car wrecks.  So many of the decisions we make on the road are based on anticipating the behaviour of other drivers based on experience (for some of us, years and years of experience) but very little real-time data.  I almost plowed into the back of a car this morning because it stopped about 10 feet short of where I anticipated it would.  The data I was missing was the drivers desire to switch lanes behind a car that would have been right next to him had he stopped where I thought he would.  When you turn on your blinker you anticipate that someone in the next lane will slow down and make room for you to change lanes. (This is generally true, unless you drive in Manhattan, Atlanta, Mumbai or on I-70 past the St. Louis airport during evening rush hour.  In these cases experience has taught you that your blinkers are flashy ornamentation and essentially useless.)

So because I am me, I decided to see how far I could stretch this little lesson.  Where else in my life do I see wrecks?  Make-up application.  I have, more than once, anticipated that a color or a product would look fabulous on me...and I was wrong.  Fashion.  See make-up explanation above.  Relationships.  Yes, relationships....

In relationships, we do an awful lot of anticipating.  If we're not communicating often and effectively with our loved ones, we anticipate without real-time data.  If the loved one does what we anticipated, we nod and smile smugly and forget to say thank you.  Our loved one feels unappreciated and taken for granted.  If the loved one doesn't do what we anticipated, we feel thrown for a loop, and possibly even deceived.  Anticipation is more likely between loved ones with a lot of history...we base so much on our experience of that other person, without allowing for the normal changes and growth that happen to us all over time.

Bottomline: Keep the lines of communication open so you don't wreck your relationships.

Twist-out Evolution

1st day, 2nd day, 3rd day hair.  Some people like doing their hair everyday.  I'm not one of those people.  I like to do a style and have it last a day or two.  The thing with natural hair is that it changes from day to day...sometimes from hour to hour.  I've had a wash 'n go look one way in the morning and completely different by lunch and then different again by the time I get home in the evening.  Since the cold set in, I've been doing up-do's, buns, braid-outs and twist-outs and I try to make them last.  Here's the evolution of my last twist-out:

1st day hair:

 

This was the result of a 3-strand twist out that was supposed to result in ringlets.  I didn't get ringlets and I'm not sure if it was my product choice, application or twisting technique, but I still loved the results.  I pineappled* my hair that night and got this the next morning:

 

2nd day hair:

Look at that stretch!  It's starting to loose definition now, but I was happy.  I pineappled again this night and the next and got this:

4th day hair:

 

 

More stretch, but very little definition left.  It's fuller and softer than the 1st day look though.  It'll be re-twisted tonight, but there's no telling what it'll look like tomorrow.

 

 

 

*Pineappleing: Pulling all the hair gently to the top of the head and securing with a scarf, scuncii or hair tie before going to bed for the night.  This stretches the hair and somewhat preserves curl/definition.

 

 



Confession: I've been a bad, bad girl...

I've been careless with my delicate hair. I kept going from style to style without washing or conditioning for about a week and a half. I started with a wash 'n go, then I went to a twist out, then some up-dos.  When I finally sat down to detangle it was bad...really bad.

I was in the last week of a 30-day finger detangling challenge (no combs allowed).  I soaked my hair with water and used a ton of conditioner, but I still lost a lot of hair.  My ends were so raggedy and rough I ended up trimming a full 1/2 inch off the ends. *shakes head* I basically lost a month's worth of growth. 

As sad as that makes me, I also gained some styling experience. I'm still trying to decide whether or not it was worth it, but I'm determined to view every learning experience on this journey as a positive.

Procrastination and Perfection

I let my first anniversary with natural hair pass by without a blog post.  It was July 23rd.  I had this whole Natural Hair Journey slide show I was gonna do...but I kept putting it off.  Then the day was upon me and it wasn't done...or rather...it wasn't done perfectly.

If you know me, then you know these two themes dominate my life.  So much doesn't get done because I put things off until they can be done perfectly, and if I can't do it perfectly I won't do it at all.  One of the lessons I've learned this past year is that "perfect" is a limiting qualification.  It doesn't allow for error, creativity or collaboration.  Sometimes something imperfect is still right.  And sometimes submitting a rough draft gives you the opportunity to get ideas from others.  Obviously I've learned this lesson somewhat imperfectly, but I'm a person in progress....still learning, still growing.

So here's my imperfect hair journey documentation...no slide show...no music...just me!

Big Chop July 23, 2012 (TWA)

 

 

October 2012 (Afro)

December 2012 (Fro-hawk)

 

March 2013 (Braid-out)

 

July 2013 (Wash 'n go)

 

Today (Braid-out)

 

My first flexirod set on natural hair

I finally convinced myself that my hair was long enough for a roller set so I did flexirods.

There wasn't a whole lot of rhyme or reason to the way I put them in.  I only have 24 flexirods and I was just trying to use all of them, but still not make any section too large so that I'd have to separate it a lot.  I very gently misted each section with water with a little coconut oil in it and my Curls Unleashed Curl Creme.  I detangled with a detangling comb, then a fine tooth comb, wrapped the end with curling paper and rolled on the flexirod.
This morning I took out the flexirods and papers and carefully rolled each section back up.

Some of them were a little damp still, but I soldiered on.  I covered my hands in coconut oil and started separating the curls, twirling each separated section into a little drop curl.  The first curls I rolled right in front were kind of fuzzy (I didn't put enough product on them or smooth them well before rolling) so I pinned those areas back.
Here's the final look:

6 Months Natural

When I started this Natural Hair journey, I decided not to use heat or color for the first year.  I'm halfway there and I already have ideas of what I'm going to do, but in the meantime I thought I'd celebrate this milestone with a few poems I've written. Enjoy!




A Natural Acrostic Poem

Never imagined how much
A simple haircut would change
The way I see myself
Unique and strong and beautiful
Real hair meets real life
All eyes on me and I'm
Loving it!





Natural Haiku

Springy coils and curls
Smiling boys and flirting girls
Rain or sun we shine

Every Marriage is Work

I have a few single friends that are ready for marriage.  In speaking to them, one thing that either doesn't occur to them or it scares them, is that marriage is work.  This is a truth that is inescapable, but it isn't a truth that should be dreaded.

The worst marriages are like a demolition job, tons of energy going into tearing down each other and everything you've built together. Without proper care, people will get hurt and when you're done there's nothing left but rubble.

Some marriages aren't as tragic...they're more like clearing the brush from an abandoned piece of property. It takes a lot of energy, there's a possibility of getting hurt and sometimes it's best to bring in professionals before too much harm is done. When you're done you're left with a bare piece of land. You might be able to build something on it, if you've still got the energy and/or desire.

The best marriages are like tending a garden. The work is done lovingly and with pride, working with nature instead of against it. The resulting paradise is worth every drop of sweat.

Length Isn't Everything

I had a family member ask me recently, "Why in the world, when black women are fighting for every last inch of hair length, would you cut your hair."

 At the time I tried to explain that I was "going natural" in many aspects of my life. I also pointed out that the length I had before wasn't healthy. After he left...as so often happens to me...I came up with the most concise and accurate answer: Going natural isn't as much about a hairstyle as it is about a lifestyle.

When I began this journey I had a lot of reasons: money, ease, living clean and chemical free, rejecting media controlled standards of beauty and exploring my identity as a black woman in America.  The one reason that kept me from doing it for a long time was...well...I was fighting for every last inch of hair length.  I knew going natural would eventually result in my having to cut off my relaxed hair.  I tried to hold on to as much length as possible by transitioning, but that didn't last.  When I finally did my big chop I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved the short hair.

So here's my question: Why have we equated long hair with beauty?  There are countless blogs, charts, products and videos all geared towards the goal of long hair.  So many naturalistas set length goals for themselves.  My goal is healthy hair.  If my healthy hair also happens to be long hair, so be it, but I'll be beautiful regardless.

Expectation is the Mother of Disappointment

This is a saying my husband and I have.  We usually apply it to the relationships we see crumbling (or never getting off to a good start ) around us.  We analyze and pick apart the people in these relationships and generally come to the conclusion that one or both of them had expectations that were disappointed.  Often times those expectations were ridiculous and unrealistic.

Over the years I've come to apply the same saying to a variety of situations in life...work, parenting and now natural hair.  Whenever I hear a woman say she's unhappy with her natural hair or disappointed by her journey I always ask myself the following questions:

1. What did she expect it to be? 

2. Did she think she could make her natural hair do what her relaxed hair did? 

3. Is her "hair crush" more than a crush...and actually a goal?

When you find yourself disappointed in life, whether it's something important like love, or less important like your hair, check your expectations first.  Were they reasonable? Was there any way for them to be realized?  Once you've answered these questions honestly, the road ahead is usually pretty clear.

Shrinkage, Stretching and Growth

Last night I tried banding for the first time.  This is a heat-free method of stretching the hair.  It's officially been 3 months since my big chop and I wanted to really see how much my hair has grown. 

First, I sectioned my hair into 6 parts.  I spritzed each section with water, detangled and used ouchless hair bands to band each section.  I took pictures after banding just one side.  Comparing the banded and un-banded section you can already get a good idea of the shrinkage I'm dealing with.

 When I took the bands out this morning my hair was still slightly damp, but I went ahead and picked my afro out anyway.

 

For a comparison, here's my hair right after my big chop.

Looks to be about an inch of growth, which is perfectly average and completely predictable...LOL!

My final style for the day is a big high poof, made easier due to the stretching.

I don't know! And that's okay.

"I don't know!"

When it comes to most subjects, I hate those three words.  I hate not knowing about...well...anything.  If I have to say I don't know, I am immediately making sure I know in the future.  I'm googling, binging, yahooing until I have a complete mastery of the subject...except when it comes to my natural hair...

Now don't get me wrong.  I did plenty of research when I decided to go natural.  I continued my course of study as I transitioned (I'm so grateful YouTube is free).  I knew everything I could possibly know about the structure of natural hair, it's needs and wants, the products I should and shouldn't use, possible styles and treatments.  What I didn't know was what my own personal hair freed from chemicals and unburdened by treated hair would actually do.

I wore my hair up in a high poof for the first time this week.  I'm almost 3 months post-Big Chop (10 days shy of the lunarversary) and until this week my hair wasn't long enough to stay under the band all the way around.  My supervisor asked me if my hair grows fast. I told her, with what I know was a crazed, but happy look on my face, "I don't know!"  When my hair was relaxed, the rate of breakage almost always matched or surpassed my rate of growth.  I had little to no length retention, so I had no idea how fast my hair grew. 

Everything about this journey is new.  Will my hair curl tomorrow?  I don't know!  Will it stay stretched for more than 4 hours?  *shrugs shoulders*  For once, the thrill of discovery has outweighed my need to know.

Bad Natural Hair Days

So I know bad hair days are going to happen whether I'm relaxed or natural, but right now with my hair so short bad hair days seem a lot harder to fix without stepping in the shower and starting from scratch.

I had an idea for a hair style, based on some I've seen demonstrated on YouTube.  Last night I started braiding.  Once I started I couldn't stop.  When I was done I wasn't in love with it, but I convinced myself that in the morning with some fluffing it would be alright.

This morning, there wasn't enough fluffing in the world to counteract the weird shape my head appeared to be between the braids and the free hair.  Basically I'd braided too far back.  I refused to waste all that braiding time by just undoing everything this morning, plus if I had unbraided it I'd have had stretched braid out hair in the front and curly afro in the back...not cute.
So I partially unbraided the braids, did an abbreviated wash 'n go in the back and slapped on a head band.  I'm still not in love with it, but it was good enough to go to work.

What do you think?

My Big Chop

So I did it.  I got tired of dealing with two textures of hair and I was ready to cut it off myself.  Luckily my sister called and talked me down (Put down the scissors...now.).  My niece, fresh out of beauty school but not yet working, cut it for me for a reasonable price.  That was two weeks ago...and as scared as I was, I love it.  I almost don't want to grow it out.

Here are the best things about my TWA (teeny-weeny afro):

5.  Styling...while my options are somewhat limited, the things I can do are easy and low maintenance.  Afro, pushed back afro, pinned up afro, wash 'n go, twists, braids...

4.  Rain...no umbrella? no problem.  My hair can take it.

3.  Money...store bought products are a little pricey, but I don't have much hair so I don't use much product.

2.  Accessories...it's like I've got more room to explore now.  Hair accessories, jewelry, clothes, make-up...whatever I want!

1.  Driving...I can ride with the window down at 60 mph and my hair doesn't move!