Length Isn't Everything

I had a family member ask me recently, "Why in the world, when black women are fighting for every last inch of hair length, would you cut your hair."

 At the time I tried to explain that I was "going natural" in many aspects of my life. I also pointed out that the length I had before wasn't healthy. After he left...as so often happens to me...I came up with the most concise and accurate answer: Going natural isn't as much about a hairstyle as it is about a lifestyle.

When I began this journey I had a lot of reasons: money, ease, living clean and chemical free, rejecting media controlled standards of beauty and exploring my identity as a black woman in America.  The one reason that kept me from doing it for a long time was...well...I was fighting for every last inch of hair length.  I knew going natural would eventually result in my having to cut off my relaxed hair.  I tried to hold on to as much length as possible by transitioning, but that didn't last.  When I finally did my big chop I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved the short hair.

So here's my question: Why have we equated long hair with beauty?  There are countless blogs, charts, products and videos all geared towards the goal of long hair.  So many naturalistas set length goals for themselves.  My goal is healthy hair.  If my healthy hair also happens to be long hair, so be it, but I'll be beautiful regardless.

Expectation is the Mother of Disappointment

This is a saying my husband and I have.  We usually apply it to the relationships we see crumbling (or never getting off to a good start ) around us.  We analyze and pick apart the people in these relationships and generally come to the conclusion that one or both of them had expectations that were disappointed.  Often times those expectations were ridiculous and unrealistic.

Over the years I've come to apply the same saying to a variety of situations in life...work, parenting and now natural hair.  Whenever I hear a woman say she's unhappy with her natural hair or disappointed by her journey I always ask myself the following questions:

1. What did she expect it to be? 

2. Did she think she could make her natural hair do what her relaxed hair did? 

3. Is her "hair crush" more than a crush...and actually a goal?

When you find yourself disappointed in life, whether it's something important like love, or less important like your hair, check your expectations first.  Were they reasonable? Was there any way for them to be realized?  Once you've answered these questions honestly, the road ahead is usually pretty clear.