Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Anticipation

It's a miracle there aren't more car wrecks.  So many of the decisions we make on the road are based on anticipating the behaviour of other drivers based on experience (for some of us, years and years of experience) but very little real-time data.  I almost plowed into the back of a car this morning because it stopped about 10 feet short of where I anticipated it would.  The data I was missing was the drivers desire to switch lanes behind a car that would have been right next to him had he stopped where I thought he would.  When you turn on your blinker you anticipate that someone in the next lane will slow down and make room for you to change lanes. (This is generally true, unless you drive in Manhattan, Atlanta, Mumbai or on I-70 past the St. Louis airport during evening rush hour.  In these cases experience has taught you that your blinkers are flashy ornamentation and essentially useless.)

So because I am me, I decided to see how far I could stretch this little lesson.  Where else in my life do I see wrecks?  Make-up application.  I have, more than once, anticipated that a color or a product would look fabulous on me...and I was wrong.  Fashion.  See make-up explanation above.  Relationships.  Yes, relationships....

In relationships, we do an awful lot of anticipating.  If we're not communicating often and effectively with our loved ones, we anticipate without real-time data.  If the loved one does what we anticipated, we nod and smile smugly and forget to say thank you.  Our loved one feels unappreciated and taken for granted.  If the loved one doesn't do what we anticipated, we feel thrown for a loop, and possibly even deceived.  Anticipation is more likely between loved ones with a lot of history...we base so much on our experience of that other person, without allowing for the normal changes and growth that happen to us all over time.

Bottomline: Keep the lines of communication open so you don't wreck your relationships.